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Cutting the Cord on Toxic Relationships

Updated: Aug 20, 2022

In order to improve our relationship wellness and be able to reach our true potential, it is important to understand how relationships work on an energetic level. Sometimes our relationships can keep us stuck, hold us back, and limit our success and happiness.

When we meet a person for the first time, we share our autobiography with them. We discuss where we are from, where we went to school, where we live now, etc. Our identity is completely connected with everything outside of ourselves, the external environment made up of people, animals, things, places, and experiences. Our environment is every object whether inanimate or animate that we have experienced.

When we meet a person we say:

I lived in this place – oh you lived there, I lived there.

You know those people? I know those people.

You went to that college? I went there too!

You have experienced those things and so have I.

If we share the same experiences, then we share the same emotions. Just like a hydrogen ion and an oxygen ion bonding – if we share the same emotions, we share the same energy. This means we are actually bonded to everything in our life that we have experienced or interacted with.

You have an emotional bond with every person you know, every object you own, and your family members. You have an emotional signature energetically that connects you with the places you work and visit. You are bonded to all these people, places, and things energetically and emotionally.

When you have relationships with people, if you share the same emotions then you share the same energies and that means you can relate. The more you relate to someone, the stronger the bond. This can be a truly beautiful thing but it can also be quite toxic depending on the relationship.

Now, the process of change becomes challenging because of these energetic bonds. Let’s say you have a friend in your life you normally complain with or play the victim role with by sharing all of your suffering stores with each other – you relate because you are sharing the same emotions together. But then you decide to change. You have a stroke of insight and say that’s it – no more blaming, complaining, suffering, self-pity – I’m going to stop feeling, thinking, and behaving this way. The moment you do that, you’re beginning to break your energetic bond with that person too. You are beginning to separate yourself energetically in that relationship.

Just like it takes a certain amount of energy to separate hydrogen from oxygen to break water apart – there is a release of this shared energy – steam! That releasing of energy creates a moment of chaos and disruption. When most people start to change and break their emotional contracts with the people in their life, it gets uncomfortable. Those people have been using them for the same reason and now there is a violation of their identity because that is how they remember who they are. Those people will then do whatever they can to push the same emotional buttons so that you can continue your agreement with them. They don’t want you to show up unpredictable and different – they like you as you were. In our minds, consistency equals safety and that makes the ego happy.

When we begin to make changes and break the emotional bonds with the things in our lives – we are literally calling energy back to us. It is a little chaotic, unusual, unfamiliar, and uncomfortable. When most people start to feel this chaos happening to them, they immediately turn back to the familiar feeling so they can remember who they are. They turn back to the cues in their environment that affirm their identity.

They start off with the intention of change. Then, when they start noticing that they are making that change there is a void where they can’t identify with anything in their environment. If you rush back to the same conditions then you return to the same self. Being in a state of uncertainty and unknown is the exact state that we need to be in in order to create a new destiny.

Can you become comfortable in the midst of that void?

Most people return to the familiar because the moment of uncertainty is stepping into the unknown.

The unknown can feel scary but it is where you can create. You can linger with the uncertainty and create a new destiny. This will create a whole new life with whole new people with a whole new set of circumstances that will reflect a new version of your being.

This usually starts by shedding the old friends and being alone until you can find the tribe that aligns with your new beliefs, habits, and actions. Being alone is scary to most people. Our ego is conditioned so that it wants to be safe. It wants to be accepted by the tribe. Changing means your tribe may no longer accept you and a long time ago not being accepted by the tribe meant no safety, food, or shelter. It could be life-threatening.

Times have changed but the way our brains are wired hasn’t.

We actually become addicted to the neurochemicals that our emotions create in the brain. If you are addicted to those specific emotions, when you begin to break those addictions then you are freeing your body from the enslavement of those strong chemicals. But, if you are still addicted to those emotions and see a person that you have that "agreement" with then when you see that person you will automatically begin to return back to the old self.

An addiction is when the body is the mind. You immediately return back to your old identity like a reflex. Meditation is where you can break this addiction. You have to get beyond that aspect of yourself in your practice. You sit there while your body is raging and telling you that you can’t do this, and you can’t change, and you’re too much like your mother, and what about that time when you were 14 – and you allow the mind to do that as you wait and settle into the present moment. Then, you begin to condition the mind to a new program and it begins to accept your new conditions. Now you are turning the addiction and emotion into something else.

Every time you choose to stay with that and sit a little longer and push a little further you begin to liberate that energy and break the addiction. When that addiction is no longer within you then you will no longer reflexively knee jerk around those people in your life. You can see your ex-husband and not react – you are in a state of elevated emotions and are no longer bonded to them energetically. You are in a whole new frequency. We begin to demonstrate greater levels of compassion and emotions.

I have found this specific meditation for cutting your energetic cord to someone is helpful to expedite this process. Not everyone is ready to commit to a full-on daily meditation practice but most people can commit to a 15-minute practice that will help them make a giant leap forward.

This practice can be used for a variety of different relationships. It doesn’t mean you are severing your relationship with someone. It simply means you are clearing the energy so they are plugged into a higher source and you don’t feel weighed down by them. If just thinking about someone makes you worry, stress, or experience any negative thoughts or emotions then your energy is out of alignment and the cord-cutting practice would be beneficial.

You could use it in business relationships when you feel frustrated or stuck with a client or colleague, you could use it in personal relationships with a negative family member that is driving you crazy, and you can use it after a breakup or divorce. It is really for any time you would like to clear the energy in a relationship whether it is in the past and you should have let go ages ago or it is in the present with someone you love dearly but has become an energy drain just by thinking of them.

I hope you will give it a try and see how it shifts things in your life. You don't have to have anyone in mind, just see what naturally arises as I guide you through this practice.



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