A couple years ago one of my clients introduced me to the books written by Brene Brown. As time goes on I have grown deeper in love with her teachings. She has an awesome talk that came out on Netflix last year called "The Call to Courage" and it was so wonderful I actually feel the need to watch it again. I highly recommend it if you haven't watched it yet. She was joking that it is hard to talk about what she does for a living because she studies shame, vulnerability and courage. When she told one man she studies vulnerability and courage he thought it was the opposite ends of the spectrum - but in reality, they are on the same end. It takes courage to be vulnerable, and I'm finally ready.
These past three years of health struggles have made me feel incredibly ashamed. I have felt like I was no longer leading by example because I was sick. I have had moments when I felt okay to share a blog post or a recipe but I haven't really wanted to be seen or put myself out there in any way. I also had someone visit me during my second hospitalization that said she definitely didn't feel inspired to eat right or exercise if this was how you end up. I know she was joking but it planted a seed and stuck with me.
I have been struggling with how to navigate life as a wellness expert with several illnesses but no matter what my logical mind would argue, there was something deeper holding me back. Like a lot of things in life, you can't force it and it just naturally evolves over time when you are ready. I discussed this issue a couple weeks ago with a client because I really feel like it is holding me back and he said he didn't see the issue at all. He said if I wasn't leading by example and living the lifestyle I do, then I would never be able to manage my illnesses and have a full life. For some reason that really hit home. I realized there are a lot of people that comment how much my illness doesn't really hold me back and how they would be in bed curled up in fetal position if it was them. Trust me, I have been there too but only when my body forces me into that state. If I have enough strength to get out of bed and walk then I am trying to have it all! Friends, romance, adventure, concerts, travel, work, nature, healing, learning, alone time - I want a full and happy life despite my physical struggles. I try my best each and every day to live the healthiest life I can while I figure out how to heal and I don't think that is something I should be ashamed of.
Over the past year I have actually made several YouTube videos in hopes they could help other people live a healthier lifestyle or navigate chronic illness but I have been too ashamed to post any of them. I finally made it to the gym today (this only happens on a rare occasion), so I did one of my mini-workouts and realized that there are other people out there that could really benefit from these workouts too. I felt deeply inspired to put myself out there. I have no intention of making beautiful, highly edited videos - I have minimal energy most days so these will most likely be a little raw, but the knowledge will be helpful and informative! People on the internet can be so mean and critical when they are safe behind the comfort of their screens leaving their nasty comments and I have honestly just felt too weak physically and mentally to deal with that, so I have stayed hidden. I think I am ready to come out from hiding...I think. I am a little nervous, but I am really determined to focus on the kind people on the internet that I can help and really hope my knowledge and experience can make a difference in the lives of others. Here goes nothing!
Visit the YouTube page and hit subscribe to be notified of any new videos. Right now I am trying to post a new video every Monday and Thursday. If you know anyone that could benefit from this type of content, please share it! I would really like to help more people and build an online community of support to help people develop wellness despite illness.